Little Girl

I needed to be held today.
So I went to the pool ,
and let the water caress and hold me.
I am here, I am strong, 1..2..3… I swam my laps.
Until my mile was done.

I wanted to be held today.
So I loved it when Ben wrapped his lanky arms around me.
I love you Mom.
And Sam did it later in the day.

I wanted to be held today.
So after doing laundry and making meals,
I let myself rest in my recliner with a blanket.
And when my cat jumped in my lap,
I stroked him and listened to him purr,
and felt his warmth and contentment enfold me.

I wanted to be held today.
The little girl in me was screaming.
So I fed it some ice cream.
Now shut the fuck up,
You stupid little fat girl.


I wanted to be held today.
So I curled myself around a pillow at bedtime,
And pretended ,
That I was happy,
And the little girl in my soul
Didn’t exist.

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