Three Weeks To Go
I went out to dinner with friends last night and with my Gastric Bypass scheduled for May 21, we jokingly called it "My Last Supper", though Gail thought is was too sad of a title. My next three weeks are going to be full of "last" meals, drinks, and snacks, but I don't want to make it an excuse to overeat. My relationship with food is going to radically change. It's got me thinking, how important are these things in my life and do I really want to experience it one more time? Or maybe it's time to just let this stuff go?
Almost nightly I read through the diet plan for the month or so after surgery and even further beyond, trying to understand it and how it will fit into my life I can't use a straw because it will allow too much air in and cause pain. No alcohol because even the smallest amount will be too much. No soda or carbonated drinks, again because of the air. No refined breads, pasta and crackers because they will swell in my stomach and cause pain, distension and possible blockages, as well as some meats. No fluids during a meal, but 30 minutes prior and 30 minutes post is okay, otherwise it's too much volume and it can cause my pouch to stretch. I need to eat my food slowly over 30 minutes and chew each bite 30 times before I swallow. I need 60 grams of protein every single day. And those are just a few of what I can remember.
It's not like there are foods I can never eat again, but my focus is changing and it will be more about small healthy meals and getting enough protein. But in the overall interest of this being a success and my becoming healthy, there are some foods that I should say goodbye to, like a Whoopee Pie. I love them, even though it's so sweet it makes my tongue curl. There is something so exquisitely delicious and comforting about a whoopee pie and a large glass of cold milk. It calms me. Will I miss it? Yes. Will I need to find healthier ways to comfort myself? Yes. Intellectually I know it's not all about changing my food intake and choices, but dealing with the shit in my head without numbing myself with food. And all the counseling in the world will not help, if I'm not willing to recognize it and let go of some of my ghosts. After almost fifty years of numbing, comforting, self hatred and jump starting myself with food, I need to learn do it without. It's time to love myself and really believe I am worthy enough to be loved. To say I am nervous and anxious about my upcoming surgery is an understatement. But I'm also excited. I'm ready to be who I can be, even though I'm scared.
"unlike chess, life continues after checkmate" Isaac Asimov
Almost nightly I read through the diet plan for the month or so after surgery and even further beyond, trying to understand it and how it will fit into my life I can't use a straw because it will allow too much air in and cause pain. No alcohol because even the smallest amount will be too much. No soda or carbonated drinks, again because of the air. No refined breads, pasta and crackers because they will swell in my stomach and cause pain, distension and possible blockages, as well as some meats. No fluids during a meal, but 30 minutes prior and 30 minutes post is okay, otherwise it's too much volume and it can cause my pouch to stretch. I need to eat my food slowly over 30 minutes and chew each bite 30 times before I swallow. I need 60 grams of protein every single day. And those are just a few of what I can remember.
It's not like there are foods I can never eat again, but my focus is changing and it will be more about small healthy meals and getting enough protein. But in the overall interest of this being a success and my becoming healthy, there are some foods that I should say goodbye to, like a Whoopee Pie. I love them, even though it's so sweet it makes my tongue curl. There is something so exquisitely delicious and comforting about a whoopee pie and a large glass of cold milk. It calms me. Will I miss it? Yes. Will I need to find healthier ways to comfort myself? Yes. Intellectually I know it's not all about changing my food intake and choices, but dealing with the shit in my head without numbing myself with food. And all the counseling in the world will not help, if I'm not willing to recognize it and let go of some of my ghosts. After almost fifty years of numbing, comforting, self hatred and jump starting myself with food, I need to learn do it without. It's time to love myself and really believe I am worthy enough to be loved. To say I am nervous and anxious about my upcoming surgery is an understatement. But I'm also excited. I'm ready to be who I can be, even though I'm scared.
"unlike chess, life continues after checkmate" Isaac Asimov
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