Ben Is Growing Up

I never thought it would happen. Either death by parent (me), getting lost, being held back in school or lord knows what crazy shit could happen, I never believed Ben would grow up.  The joke for years between Sam and I was that Sam better make a decent living so he could support his brother because Ben couldn't live with me forever.  I have never been so happy to be so very wrong.

The summer leading into his senior year, he had no desire to discuss college and I had no interest in nagging him endlessly to make it happen.  I couldn't want it more than him. Oh, he took his SATs and scored the national average but he didn't want to take them again, nor did he want to write a college entrance essay.  In October, we had decided he would go to Hudson Valley Community College and live at home. And by the end of soccer season he had been in contact with the soccer coach and I was no longer worried. I knew what his future looked like.  He would slowly find his way.

Something happened in December, nothing specific or even extraordinary, but things changed.  It started with Indoor Track season, his first ever indoor track season.  One day he said to me, "Mom, did you know HVCC doesn't have a track team.  I think I might like running better than soccer."  WHAT... my boy who had been playing soccer since he was five?  "You know what Mom, I like track because if you work hard, do what your coach tells you, you get rewarded.  It doesn't matter what people think about how well you do, it's all about how fast you run.  I think I want to run track in college."

Encouraged by his girlfriend, Sarah, Ben started to move forward (and without nagging from me). He wrote his essay and applied to five colleges. He even picked a major, Earth Science, the only class he liked in high school other than gym and lunch.  First semester, he made the academic athlete list and his grade point average for the second semester was an impressive 94. Track was going great and every time he ran, he set a new PR for himself.  College coaches started to contact him.

It is school vacation week and we are visiting colleges.  He has been accepted to two schools so far and has visited one of them already. Waiting for the mail everyday is nerve wracking for me, but he is relaxed about it, "it will happen when it happens". Wednesday we are visiting Plattsburgh State, Thursday Brockport and Friday Buffalo State, all state schools and all three interested in Ben the student and Ben the runner.

So it is happening, my boy is growing up.  And I am not ready.  I have realized that the main reason that I was okay with HVCC is that I would not be alone, Ben would still be with me and I could still cut his waffles for him.  But Ben is doing this and that means I have to let him go.  He wants it more than I do.  I know that now.