What I Have Gained
"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah" Yeah, Yeah, Yeah"
Have you seen the Special K cereal ad? The one that asks, "What have you gained by losing?" with the song "Mercy" by Duffy in the background? At first glance I thought it was kind of hokey, but it resonates something in me. I have been struggling to find the words to express what I'm feeling since I hit the 100 pound mark several weeks ago. What I have gained is difficult to describe but it is something that is bubbling up in me and taking over the rotten core that has been holding me hostage for years.
Superficially I have gained a new wardrobe, extra pillows on my bed to cushion my bones, the ability and agility to cross my legs, men looking at me, a smaller food budget, and assorted other things that go along with being tiny (yes, that's a word people have been using to describe me lately). But it is the bigger stuff, the non material things that I am marveling at the most. It's that stuff that has made this journey so amazing for me and I struggle to find words big and full enough to describe what I am feeling.
I have a bucket list now and it is doable instead of a dream. I have a future in which I will be healthy enough to see and play with my future Grandchildren. I can walk forever and enjoy physical activities with the people I love. I can look at a mountain and know that I can get to the top. The world has opened up to me in ways I never imagined or knew I wanted. I am now an active participant in the world. I feel different, not like a better person, but a more capable, alive and happy person.
So the best word I can come up with is joy. It's joy that is bubbling up and out of me in a goofy grin on my face, spontaneous running instead of walking and giggles that I can't and don't want to control. It is joy.....pure simple joy.
Have you seen the Special K cereal ad? The one that asks, "What have you gained by losing?" with the song "Mercy" by Duffy in the background? At first glance I thought it was kind of hokey, but it resonates something in me. I have been struggling to find the words to express what I'm feeling since I hit the 100 pound mark several weeks ago. What I have gained is difficult to describe but it is something that is bubbling up in me and taking over the rotten core that has been holding me hostage for years.
Superficially I have gained a new wardrobe, extra pillows on my bed to cushion my bones, the ability and agility to cross my legs, men looking at me, a smaller food budget, and assorted other things that go along with being tiny (yes, that's a word people have been using to describe me lately). But it is the bigger stuff, the non material things that I am marveling at the most. It's that stuff that has made this journey so amazing for me and I struggle to find words big and full enough to describe what I am feeling.
I have a bucket list now and it is doable instead of a dream. I have a future in which I will be healthy enough to see and play with my future Grandchildren. I can walk forever and enjoy physical activities with the people I love. I can look at a mountain and know that I can get to the top. The world has opened up to me in ways I never imagined or knew I wanted. I am now an active participant in the world. I feel different, not like a better person, but a more capable, alive and happy person.
So the best word I can come up with is joy. It's joy that is bubbling up and out of me in a goofy grin on my face, spontaneous running instead of walking and giggles that I can't and don't want to control. It is joy.....pure simple joy.
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