AnneLyze

I have no fucking idea.  Food used to be my go to item for everything;  boredom, depression, rewards, loneliness, comfort and treats.  Ice cream was my favorite cure all.  So now what do I do?  How can I nourish, comfort, and treat myself, if food isn't an option.  That has been plaguing me for the past two weeks.  So much so that I've started about 5 Blogs with that question, only to delete them every time. Well I am finally waving the white flag.  I don't know. There is no one thing.  And honestly I don't think it's something I can answer right now.  I don't feel like eating and when I do eat, I feel indigestion, discomfort and nausea.  There are lots of nice things I can do for myself, but none of them have the power, numbing ability and pleasure that food has brought me.  It's easy to not eat now.  I don't enjoy it and it makes me feel lousy.  Maybe I'm wrong and it could be I am not willing to dig deep and conf...

What I knew I didn't want to hear was "congratulations, I'm proud of you".   I had heard enough of it in the previous two plus weeks.  Instead I just wanted to be left alone to mend and make sense of my whirlwind of emotions, not the least of which was "what the fuck have I done?". Don't get me wrong, I don't regret my decision but it's very hard to be immediately happy with a choice that has made you feel so utterly crappy.  My surgery was two and a half weeks ago and only now do I feel human for a few blessed minutes a day.   My belly alternates between a gnawing ache, nausea, gassy cramps, fullness and occasionally pain.  Rarely am I unaware of how my stomach feels.  The rest of me feels weak and lethargic, though I did manage to walk three miles today.  And with everyday I remind myself, this was my choice and it was the only choice that gave me hope. But the whole "proud" thing gets my back up and after chewing on it for a few ...