The Journey Begins
A week ago, I met with Dr Glorimar Atilles, a surgeon specializing in Bariatric surgery. Prior to seeing her, I had my vital signs taken and my weight checked by one of the office nurses. The scale was huge. I briefly felt good knowing that there were much heavier people then me, but looking down at my weight brought me quickly back down to earth. Deep down I think I felt like I didn't need to do this, but the week since has been an eye opening one for me. Arrogance and self denial are not going to serve me well in this journey.
Dr Atilles walked into the room and greeted me. All the weight loss surgeries were explained to me and I felt like the Gastric Sleeve was my best choice. It cuts away most of your stomach leaving a long tube shaped stomach behind, about the size of a banana, and it is done laproscopically so I won’t have huge scars or require a long hospital stay. She then said “Is this the heaviest weight you have ever been?” I indicated yes and she looked me in the eye and said,”This is it then, if you gain any more weight, it will be a deal breaker”. Her statement took my breath away. Throughout the exam and with all the information given to me, that is the one thing that stuck with me. Didn’t she know I could gain weight by looking at food? I left her office with mixed emotions and with a check list of appointments that needed to be made before the surgery could even be submitted for insurance approval. There was a lot to do to get ready. And I still needed to think through my options.
Some of the pre surgical requirements included a full psychiatric evaluation, blood tests, monthly meetings with a dietitian, cardiac and pulmonary evaluations, an Upper GI, an Endoscopy, an ultrasound of my gallbladder, liver, and kidney and of course I needed to lose weight on my own. Apparently it will take a village for my insurance to approve it and to see me through this. I was already ahead of some of the requirements by previously meeting with my primary care physician and getting letters of support from him and my orthopedic doctor. There is going to be a lot of people who I will need to trust and be honest with, including myself. It will be hard for me to have so many people in my business, especially because of the shame I feel over my body.
So far this past week, I have learned my cholesterol is too high, I have a hiatal hernia, a fatty liver and mild scoliosis in my spine. I’m sad and I have a feeling looking at myself this deeply is going to make me sadder. But I also know I need to do this, not because I want to look better, but because I want to live a long and healthy life. I want to look forward to more than just my next bowl of ice cream.
The process of getting everything approved and getting ready for surgery takes about four months, something I was annoyed with at first, but I’m starting to see that I need this time to get to know myself and really think about how I want to live out the rest of my life. And I also need this time to see if this is the right thing for me to do. So, my journey continues.
“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase” Martin Luther King
Dr Atilles walked into the room and greeted me. All the weight loss surgeries were explained to me and I felt like the Gastric Sleeve was my best choice. It cuts away most of your stomach leaving a long tube shaped stomach behind, about the size of a banana, and it is done laproscopically so I won’t have huge scars or require a long hospital stay. She then said “Is this the heaviest weight you have ever been?” I indicated yes and she looked me in the eye and said,”This is it then, if you gain any more weight, it will be a deal breaker”. Her statement took my breath away. Throughout the exam and with all the information given to me, that is the one thing that stuck with me. Didn’t she know I could gain weight by looking at food? I left her office with mixed emotions and with a check list of appointments that needed to be made before the surgery could even be submitted for insurance approval. There was a lot to do to get ready. And I still needed to think through my options.
Some of the pre surgical requirements included a full psychiatric evaluation, blood tests, monthly meetings with a dietitian, cardiac and pulmonary evaluations, an Upper GI, an Endoscopy, an ultrasound of my gallbladder, liver, and kidney and of course I needed to lose weight on my own. Apparently it will take a village for my insurance to approve it and to see me through this. I was already ahead of some of the requirements by previously meeting with my primary care physician and getting letters of support from him and my orthopedic doctor. There is going to be a lot of people who I will need to trust and be honest with, including myself. It will be hard for me to have so many people in my business, especially because of the shame I feel over my body.
So far this past week, I have learned my cholesterol is too high, I have a hiatal hernia, a fatty liver and mild scoliosis in my spine. I’m sad and I have a feeling looking at myself this deeply is going to make me sadder. But I also know I need to do this, not because I want to look better, but because I want to live a long and healthy life. I want to look forward to more than just my next bowl of ice cream.
The process of getting everything approved and getting ready for surgery takes about four months, something I was annoyed with at first, but I’m starting to see that I need this time to get to know myself and really think about how I want to live out the rest of my life. And I also need this time to see if this is the right thing for me to do. So, my journey continues.
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