Mountains To Climb

I started to train this week for hiking in the mountains this spring and summer. I swam on Sunday, used the treadmill on Monday, swam on Tuesday and Thursday and will use the treadmill this afternoon. I also resumed my diet.

On Tuesday when I was swimming one of the lifeguards had music on and I heard "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" and started to sing it to myself as I swam. I was having a great swim and felt empowered. I could do anything. Wednesday, Sam and I went to a hockey game and went out to dinner first. I had a cheeseburger for the first time in months. It was great. At the game, I had ice cream and popcorn, so much for the diet. I noticed my jaw was aching, but I ignored it. I have a long history of TMJ. Thursday I was right back on my diet and swam on the way home. It was like swimming in molasses and I was tired, but I finished my mile. In the shower I was kind of dizzy (something that has happened more and more frequently), my face hurt and my jaw was out of joint. Again, I've had TMJ forever, no big deal. Friday, my jaws really ached and I was very dizzy. So, I called my dentist. The week after Christmas, I had an MRI of my jaws in an open and closed position at his request. My gut clenched, I had heart palpitations, and my bank account emptied as he started to talk. I had bilateral jaw displacement every time I opened and closed my mouth. I also had large amounts of arthtritic damage to both sides AND most serious of all I had bilateral disc displacement in the joint. There is no easy fix, no joint replacement, no surgery, only mouth guards and dental work to change my bite. I HATE GOING TO THE DENTIST. The damage explained the pain, dizziness, and ear discomfort. For the weekend, he suggested wearing my mouth guard 24/7, a course of anti inflammatories and soft food. On Friday after talking to him, I ate about twenty chocolate kisses. A really great way to deal with stress!

The song in my head has changed to "ain't no mountain short enough" and I'm discouraged. Between my mouth and my diet I feel like I failed. I failed because I have gritted my teeth forever and maybe it's all my fault. I failed because I ate food in response to stress and out of habit. I have some mountains to climb this year and they are not all in the Adirondacks.

My Dad used to say, "just do the best you can, and that's good enough". I am strong and I can do this. Just keep going. That has been a motto of mine for a long time. Just keep going. AIN'T NO MOUNTAIN HIGH ENOUGH! I need to remember that life is good and there is much joy to be had if you open your heart (not your mouth) to it. See you on the climb.