Bringing Up Ben

Ben will be 13 on August 27, a teenager. He is in the S phase of boyhood; smelly, sullen, snotty, self centered, silent, starving, skinny, smartmouthed, sensitive, silly and yes, even sweet. He is the child I never thought I'd have and while I want to choke him almost daily, he brings so much to my life. I am so filled with love for this boy and I can't imagine my life without him.

School starts on September 8. Ben hates school and always has. He is going into 8th grade and 8th grade orientation is on his birthday. Ben is not happy. "How could they do that to me?" He likes seeing his friends every day, likes gym, lunch and playing soccer, but would happily skip the rest. It's boring. His biggest complaint this summer has been about reading. "It's vacation, why do I have to read? I'm already good at it, why do I have to practice it? It's not right that they get to ruin my summer vacation by making me read!" I reminded him that his teacher would consider him irresponsible and immature if he didn't do it. After mulling that over for a few days, he decided to do it. He's reading the book. The book is called No More Dead Dogs and it's about a boy who didn't read the required summer book and the punishment that follows. I thought it was funny, Ben didn't.

Yelling and punishments have never worked with Ben. When he was a little, if I was yelling at him, he would climb up so he was level with me and yell right back at me. He's a nag and will nag me nonstop until I give in. The only escape is to lock myself away and even then he finds me. Psycological warfare is the only way to win with Ben. He hates to have people disappointed in him or be seen as immature. I frequently want to strangle him and then he will say, "Can I have a hug?".

His body is long and skinny. He grew at least 5 inches in the last year. He looks like his Dad,except he smiles more. He's got a confidence in his body that is foreign to me. Ben is fast and last year set the record for the mile in blue jeans and big heavy sneakers. He loves soccer and has bloomed into a terrific wing and prolific scorer. The travel coach last year really brought out the best in Ben and Ben loved him. He would be an awesome cross country runner but wants nothing to do with it. I love watching him play soccer, no one can catch him. He hates me to yell anything out and last year was threatened with a yellow card after yelling at me during a game because I yelled something out. I try hard to sit quietly, not.

I'm excited to continue to watch him mature. Physically he's getting there, but what kind of man will he become? Will he embrace the math mind he has under all that floppy hair? Will he be a good father? Will he find his way in the world and will the world be a better place with him in it? The day he was born, the nurse asked me if I was nervous as they wheeled me in for my c-section. I said no, "I can't wait to meet my son!". I feel the same way today.

Happy Birthday Ben! I will love you forever.